I’ve done so many things to try to eradicate self-blame, quieten my crippling anxiety, reduce my hair-trigger stress responses and generally dispel anger, bubbles of depression and despair over my decades.

I found many, many things that helped. Meditations of a myriad types, mindfulness, courses and retreats, hypnotherapy, talk therapy, books, Buddhism etc. Many things helped me a lot, but nothing took away the persistent gnawing pain that I was getting life wrong – and an escape what I felt were deeply self-sabotaging behaviours.

Nothing took away that base deep feeling of helplessness and fear about life – especially when I stopped the meditation or left the retreat.

Things came to a head when one summer I rented a home for a month with my family, in a place where you had to drive to really get around.

Not a difficult experience right?

Being by the sea, having three terraces that looked out on the shimmer of water of mid-summer. I could put it down to the fact I can’t drive and so was reliant on my husband to take us everywhere. I had never lived without instant access to public transport or walks.

But you know that’s not it, right?

Every day we would head into the village to a flex-office, and for my daughter to go to summer camp. And every day, getting into the overheated car, my family would erupt into some insane argument.

Lunches were forgotten – meltdown!

An elbow touched another elbow – meltdown!

We got locked out – meltdown!

This was the largest straw that broke the already many-times-broken camel’s back.

I thought:

I JUST CAN’T DO LIFE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

I reached out to a coach I had randomly found, who I didn’t know much about, and signed up for her core-wound healing, one year 1-2-1 coaching package.

I just remember liking that word – core-wound healing.

I need some of that.

The coaching was like nothing I had experienced before.

It was the most beautiful, soothing, nurturing, loving, kind and gentle space I had ever felt.

After a few sessions I could sense that there was a deep transformative power at work.

There was no tough love, or pushiness. There was no judgement.

It felt safe and completely wonderful, and I was instantly hooked. And in love with this process.

I went through that year and everything changed in my life. Things that I didn’t think were possible to change.

I healed the painful hyper vigilance of myself and my kids that had been with me since I was attacked as a teenager (though hadn’t connected these two things, I just thought I was a paranoid, pitiful worrier.)

I was able to recognise and inhibit the hair-trigger reactions that occurred regularly with my teenage son when he issued throw away political opinions that I felt deeply enraged by.

I was able to hold space for my son as he went through his intensely stressful exams, during COVID, during the changing sea of emotions of his age – and deepen our connection and his trust of me to an unbelievable level. A gift I would alone I would have paid the world for.

I noticed I wasn’t running a low-level continuous resentment with husband any more (of course I still have irritation with him, but it’s not there all the time, and it comes and goes as is normal in any relationship. Instead, most of the time, is a lot of love, and a lot of respect).

I was able to help my daughter with some painful emotions and experiences that previously she had hidden from me – and create more trust between us.

This list goes on, and on and on.

I am still, and always will be, in the process of healing and integrating. As a human we will always have difficult experiences, emotions, pain – but now I have a framework of how to deal with it

I have drained so much of the crippling stress and overwhelm, my life is being run from a place of power and strength – not fear and anxiety.

I know what to do when my husband says something and a fierce fire of fury is unleashed with in me. I know how to handle myself so I can work through it, figure out what I want and what I want to do after the fire has died down.

I am not afraid of my emotions anymore. I can see them, recognise them, I’ve befriended them, and I love them – all of them. Anger, fear, sadness, despair, loneliness, joy, excitement, love, inspiration. They all have lessons to share with me, they all just want to be SEEN, to be HELD, to be HEARD.

I am the most free, most alive and happiest I have ever been.

I share these experiences and the experiences I have had to hopefully help you see that there is hope.

There is always hope.

Change is always possible.

Regardless of what has happened in your life, what you’ve done, what’s been done to you, what situation you are in now, if you feel trapped, alone, unsure, unworthy, unable to make any positive moves in your life.

I have felt much of this and more.

I have felt the disgusting-feeling shame of alcohol dependence, the painful shame of remembering sexual assault, the mind-shattering grief of loosing a baby, the powerlessness of being on the receiving end of overpowering rage, the weirdly shameful loneliness of feeling left out, as a grown woman, by my friends.

All emotions matter. All emotions are acceptable. Nothing is too small, too big – because everything is connected. Everything is related.

Which is why the mere fact of not being able to drive threw me over the edge.

I am here for all of it. Regardless. I can hold it all – for me and for you.

I decided that this work was so beautiful and yet so radical I wanted to be part of it, so I took the training program and became a coach in this modality.

It felt like coming home, it felt like exactly what I should be doing with my life.

People throughout my life had always said to me I should be a therapist or coach. I am naturally empathic, and so I would often be asked for help, or people would share their secrets and inner struggles with.

But I demurred to turn this into a profession. I hadn’t found the healing modality that was head-to-toe transformative and I am not a person who likes to do things that are anything less than fully authentic and totally transformative.

Now I have it, and I would love to share this work with you.

I am English, my husband is a photographer from California and we now live in southern Spain. Our children are 11 and 17.

Please feel free to reach out with any questions you have – either via email or if you’d like to jump in and see if you would like to work with me, book a complimentary connection call.

Have a beautiful day, and sending you so much love,

Di

xxx

Contact me for questions about coaching and booking.