I’ve tried so many things too eradicate self-blame, crippling anxiety, and r my hair-trigger stress responses – to dispel anger, bubbles of depression and despair over the decades.

I found many things that helped. Myriad of meditations, mindfulness courses and retreats, hypnotherapy, talk therapy, books, Bhuddist practices etc. Many things helped me a lot. However, nothing took away the persistent gnawing feeling that I was “getting life wrong” – nothing provided an escape from what I felt were deeply self-sabotaging behaviours. 

Nothing took away that deep feeling of helplessness and fear about life – it returned the second the meditation ended or I left the retreat.

Things came to a head when one summer I rented a home for a month with my family, in a place where you had to drive to really get around. 

Not a difficult experience right?