I had been seeking an end to my inner turmoil for my whole life.

“ Fear of life is really the fear of emotions. It is not the facts that we fear but our feelings about them. Once we have mastery over our feelings, our fear of life diminishes.” David R. Hawkins, Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

I had tried so many things too eradicate self-blame, crippling anxiety, and my hair-trigger stress responses – to dispel anger, bubbles of depression and despair over the decades.

I found many things that helped. A myriad of meditations, talk therapy, mindfulness courses and retreats, hypnotherapy, books etc. Many things helped me a lot. However, nothing took away the persistent gnawing feeling that I was “getting life wrong”. And nothing provided an escape from what I felt were deeply self-sabotaging behaviours.

Nothing took away that deep feeling of helplessness and fear about life – it returned the second the meditation ended or I left the retreat.

Things came to a head when one summer I rented a home for a month with my family, in a place where you had to drive to really get around.

Not a difficult experience right?

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

Being by the sea, having three terraces that looked out on the shimmer of water of mid-summer. I could put it down to the fact I can’t drive and so was reliant on my husband to take us everywhere. I had never lived without instant access to public transport or walks.

But you know that’s not it, right?

Every day we would head into the village to a co-working office, and for my daughter to go to summer camp. And every day, getting into the overheated car, my family would erupt into some insane argument.

Lunches were forgotten – meltdown!

An elbow touched another elbow – meltdown!

We got locked out – meltdown!

This was the straw that broke the already many-times-broken camel’s back.

I thought:

“I JUST CAN’T DO LIFE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.”

I reached out to a coach I had randomly found, who I didn’t know much about, and signed up for her core-wound healing, one-year 1-2-1 coaching package.

I just remember liking that word – core-wound healing.

“I need some of that.”

The coaching was like nothing I had experienced before.

It was the most beautiful, soothing, nurturing, loving, kind and gentle space I had ever felt.

After a few sessions I could sense that there was a deep transformative power at work.

There was no tough love, no pushiness – and certainly no judgement.

It felt safe and completely wonderful, I was instantly hooked. I was in love with this process.

I went through that year and everything changed in my life. Changes I previously thought impossible.

I healed much of my painful hypervigilance – of myself, of my kids – feelings that had been with me since I was attacked as a teenager (though I hadn’t connected these two things, I just thought I was a paranoid, pitiful worrier.)

I was able to recognise and inhibit the hair-trigger reactions that occurred regularly with my teenage son when he issued throw-away political opinions that I felt deeply enraged by.

I was able to hold space for my son as he went through his intensely stressful exams, during COVID, and during the changing sea of emotions of his age – and deepen our connection and his trust in me to an unbelievable level. A gift I would alone have paid the world for.

I noticed I wasn’t running a low-level continuous resentment with my husband any more (of course I still have irritation with him, but it’s not there all the time, and it comes and goes as is normal in any relationship. Instead, most of the time, there is a lot of love, and a lot of respect).

I was able to help my daughter with some painful emotions and experiences that previously she had hidden from me – and create more trust between us.

This list goes on, and on and on.

I am still, and always will be, in the process of healing and integrating. As humans we will always have difficult experiences, emotions, and pain – but now I have a framework to deal with it.

I have drained so much of the crippling stress, anxiety and overwhelm – my life is now run from a place of strength and energy.

I know what to do when my husband says something and a fierce fire of fury is unleashed within me. I know how to handle myself so I can work through it, figure out what I want after the fire has died down.

I am not afraid of my emotions anymore. I can see them, recognise them, I’ve befriended them. Anger, fear, sadness, depression, shame, despair, loneliness, joy, excitement, love, inspiration. They all have lessons to share with me, they all just want to be SEEN, to be HELD, to be HEARD.

I am the most free, most alive and the happiest I have ever been.

I share these experiences and the experiences I have had to hopefully help you see that there is always hope.

Change is always possible.

Regardless of what has happened in your life, what you’ve done, what’s been done to you, what situation you are in now – if you feel trapped, alone, unsure, unworthy, unable to make any positive moves in your life.

I have felt much of this and more.

I have felt the shame of alcohol dependence, the pain of recalling sexual assault, the mind-shattering grief of losing a baby, the powerlessness of being on the receiving end of overpowering rage, the shameful loneliness of feeling left out, as a grown woman, by my friends.

All emotions matter. All emotions are acceptable. Nothing is too small, too big – because everything is connected. Everything is related.

Which is why the mere fact of not being able to drive threw me over the edge.

I am here for all of it. Regardless. I can hold it all – for me and for you.

I decided that this work was so beautiful and yet so radical I wanted to be part of it, so I took the training program and became a coach in this modality.

It felt like coming home, it felt like exactly what I should be doing with my life.

People throughout my life had always said to me I should be a therapist or coach. I am naturally empathic, and so I would often be asked for help, or people would share their secrets and inner struggles with me.

But I hesitated to turn this into a profession. I hadn’t found the healing modality that was head-to-toe transformative and I am not a person who likes to do things that are anything less than fully authentic and totally transformative.

Now I have it, and I would love to share this work with you.

I am English, my husband is a photographer from California and we now live in Southern Spain. Our children are 12 and 18.

Please feel free to reach out with any questions you have! If you’d like to jump in and see if you would like to work with me, book a consultation.

Have a beautiful day, sending you so much love,

Diana