When we get trapped by blame

Hey beautiful one,

For most of my life I didn’t want to take responsibility for my emotional experience in life.

I wanted someone to blame.

I felt so much blame and anger towards people who were close to me. Experiences I’d had, and the people in my life who had created damage.

And whilst the pain was real, and the healing was necessary, by blaming other people for the mess I found my life in, it only served to keep me stuck firmly in that mess.

I then started to notice that the trauma which had embedded itself into my life was seeping into my children’s lives.

That’s when I said, enough is enough.

I can’t knowingly pass on my emotional pain to my kids, and continue this generational trauma pattern.

It needs to stop with me.

And it started by saying – I am going to take responsibility for how I feel.

I am going to work with the emotions I am carrying.

The patterns and reactions that are stopping me from thriving.

And let the world off the hook.

That’s not to say we don’t seek support and help – I have had lots of support and help. When we seek support from a place of taking responsibility for our healing – the effect is really amplified.

When we are willing to take steps into learning how to work with our emotions and emotional patterns.

When we can stop expecting other people to take responsibility for how we feel…

And instead look at our emotional situation as something we work on, we heal, we work through, that’s when our lives radically change.

That step is immensely empowering because we stop needing other people to be different.

We become the empowered leaders of our own lives.

And it’s not that we don’t seek justice, or say no, or accept unacceptable behaviour. Not at all.

But it’s not about getting other people to be different or to change.

It’s about removing our attention from other people – what they are saying and doing, how they are feeling – and instead focus on ourselves.

We are not responsible for other people.

We are only responsible for ourselves.

It’s about our own healing path.

That’s how we show up totally differently in our lives – and how we get radically different results.

Because whilst we are locked into patterns of blame, we stay stuck in anger or rage, fear or despair, sadness or apathy.

We are imprisoned by it.

We can’t move through these emotions into a space of true healing when blame is standing guard at the door.

We want to release ourselves from the grip that blame keeps us trapped in.

When we turn towards ourselves – and see what’s really true for us:

Maybe we feel overwhelmed by anger or fear.

Or full of despair or loneliness.

When we can accept what is happening in our lives and work with what we find:

We move through anger and rage.

We support our fear and despair.

Then we get to have a profoundly deep opportunity for radical self-healing.

The work that I do isn’t healing others.

I don’t fix people.

I help people unlock their self-healing capabilities.

I hold space for that brave and courageous person to emerge.

The person who wants to thrive.

Who wants to feel joy and love and excitement coursing through their bodies.

The person who knows how to get the very best of this life that they are living.

This beautiful, wild, incredible life.

I give people the tools that they then use to unravel the challenges and emotional patterns that are stopping them from thriving.

The person who can learn to hold their own emotions, and take responsibility for them.

To be their own personal genius.

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our life.” Akshay Dubey

Sending you much love today,

Diana