Meeting Ourselves Where We Are
How are you?
Some very common comments that I hear in my coaching is, I shouldn’t be feeling like this, I should be able to deal with this, I am too old to be in this position (and this is regardless of the age of the person.)
And I totally understand why we have this reaction. Because it’s painful to be experiencing overwhelming emotions and not know what to do about them.
It’s frustrating to see the habits and patterns of our life that we wish we could change and as much as we try to steer our life in one way, it so frequently veers off in a different direction.
To feel that at 30 or 50 or 70 we are so overwhelmed and consumed by things we just so wish we wouldn’t be.
To feel like our explosive rage never abates
Or our persistent fear keeps us held in a vice like grip
Or overwhelming despair about how our life has turned out – stopping us from taking any positive action
To feel such distance between who we yearn to be, and who we are.
I get it.
But one of the most significant steps we can take forward, to start healing and shifting and moving our lives – is to accept where we are.
To understand that we can’t push or wish or cajole our way out of this.
If we allow, for one tiny moment, a little bit of acceptance about where we find ourselves, it actually can crack open the world of possibility.
And in a loving, tender space of possibility – that is where we can move towards a more powerful and life-changing shift.
This can feel like a hard piece to get. Because when hope feels like it has drained out of us long ago, it can feel like it’s not in any way possible to change how we feel.
One thing I wish I could gift my younger self, and people around me, is the knowledge that by starting from where you are, allowing the full spectrum of what you are carrying to gently unravel before you.
To give yourself the space to show up exactly how you are – that mere act of saying – this is what I am experiencing, this is where I am, can provide a sigh of relief to the nervous system, and can be a powerful step towards self healing.
Because the body always knows what is really happening.
It knows how we are really feeling about ourselves, our lives and the world.
It knows who we are, what we are afraid of, what we have gone through, what we are still carrying – but also what we need.
But how we have learnt to be in this world, how we have learnt we think we should be – makes it so very difficult to stop and see everything that we are holding.
When we don’t see the pains that other people are carrying, or the struggles that we all have as human beings, then it can make our own personal struggles feel so lonely and isolating.
The body wants us to heal, it has many of the tools we need, and when we can say – oh this, this is what is really happening for me – then we can start looking for the resources that will make the most difference.
We can learn to stay and support ourselves.
Yesterday I shared a simple orienteering technique to help bring our bodies back into a state of regulation.
And today, as I share how the radical gift of meeting ourselves where we are can be an offering of healing to ourselves, I’d like to offer another support tool in this act of self realization that isn’t always easy to see.
A hand on the heart.
A simple hand on our heart.
Inviting some self-empathy.
I see how hard this is for you.
I understand things are challenging, painful or uncomfortable.
It makes sense to feel like this.
And a breath to support this act of empathy, of self support.
A breath that brings the calm, restful part of the nervous system online.
Taking a short inhale, and then a long exhale.
If this feels good, repeat several times.
Notice how this feels, the shift in the sensations, and then allow your nervous system some seconds to drink in the shift.
As you keep your hand on your heart and offer yourself some empathy for all that you are navigating right now.
A small touch of kindness, tenderness can be a small gift of healing right in this moment.
Acknowledging that where we find ourselves isn’t necessarily where we want to be, but with some empathy and support, we can start to move towards integrating what is hard for us.
We are all worthy of healing, of dignity and kindness. We are all worthy of being held in a loving space. We are all worthy of having support.
A hand on ourselves, a word of kindness and acceptance, from the person who can give us the greatest support, ourselves, can be a powerful recalibration tool for our nervous system.
I would love to know if you try this, and how it feels for you.
I’ll be back tomorrow with another idea to bring more ease, regulation and restoration to your nervous system.
Sending you much love,
Diana ❤️
